Adolescents' Integration

I’ve received many requests regarding my answer to a post on the challenges adolescents face when integrating, so I decided to write a post on the topic.

The points mentioned here are general, and of course, personalized work is needed when necessary.

Adolescents are in the process of shaping their identity. Around the age of 15, social conscience also develops. Their social identity begins to take shape, and they start seeking support from friends. Parents usually step back at this stage.

According to Attachment Theory, from the age of 11 to around 25, the model speaks about social connections. There are different types of relationships with different people. There may be a great connection with the mother and less with the father, or vice versa, or the significant connections may be with friends.

Social identity forms, and the importance of belonging to a group increases.

However, in terms of emotional development, adolescents begin to inhibit their reactions. They learn to control their emotions—unlike children, they won’t always share or express their feelings.

When we move to a new place, their position within the group of friends is shaken, and they need time but especially tools to build a sense of belonging. This takes time and effort, but in the meantime, feelings of anger, helplessness, withdrawal, loneliness, and social anxiety may arise or intensify if they were present before.

All of this depends on many factors, such as whether preparations were made and whether the children were involved in the decision to move? Is there support at home, or do the parents feel guilty and promise to return or make promises they can’t fulfil?

The external social environment also plays a role: Are there other adolescents in similar situations? Are there other teenagers from the same country of origin? And the very important reason: Personality structure. Is the adolescent introverted or extroverted? How did they cope with past challenges or changes? And more.

One of the things I always say: If you know you will be moving for an extended period and aren’t sure if or when you’ll return—don’t promise that you will return, and don’t set a target date, for two main reasons:

1. If the time comes and you don’t return, you will break the trust between you and your child.

2. If it’s known that you will return after a year, why make an effort to integrate? It’s a significant effort for the adolescent. Therefore, they will choose to maintain connections with their friends from their country of origin rather than invest in new friendships.

So, what should be done?

Find what interests them and look for extracurricular activities with other teenagers. Focus on group activities, whether it’s sports, dance, or music groups.

It’s difficult to initiate “playdates” at this age, but you can invite families over for a meal or a BBQ with kids of similar ages.

Projects: Ask the school to pair the adolescents with others for educational projects.

Strengthen what does work.

Create a safe and accepting space at home for conversation. Don’t judge, and don’t project your expectations onto them.

Social integration takes time. Allow the process in a comfortable and accepting environment, and don’t rush them.

If the issue persists and is very intense, it’s worth doing more personalized work with the adolescent.

I’d be happy to help!

I work with adolescents from all over the world using ACT, CBT, mindfulness, self-compassion, and more.

Dr. Efrat Tzadik

Expert in immigration, integration, and identity

Certified coach for personal development, empowerment, trauma, CBT