It lies in the language

"Do you want coffee?" or maybe "Do you want to drink coffee?" or "Do you have time for coffee?" You could also say "Hi, I’m Efrat, nice to meet you, I’d love to set up a coffee when you have time," but wait... maybe just "Hi, let’s go for coffee?" ... So many thoughts about a simple sentence that used to be so easy and flowing.

Every social interaction sometimes becomes more complicated than it really is. Maybe it’s the language? Maybe it’s my place here? The feeling of foreignness or the desire to fit in?

I write a lot about social integration. In my eyes, this integration involves much more than just “fitting in”: it touches on identity, language, culture, anxieties, personality, and more. This time, I choose to focus on language.

When we don’t speak in our native language, something in our security base gets disturbed. What used to be easy and flowing becomes hard and awkward. When we move to a new place, so many things get disrupted. We’re no longer in our safe and comfortable place, and we need to think twice about every word – what we say, to whom, and especially how.

A few days ago, a colleague suggested that I reach out to someone about a specific topic. I wrote the message and showed it to him. He smiled, changed a few things, and then I asked him: “What? Too direct?” He replied, “Yes, in Belgium, this directness might come across as aggressive.”

Language is much more than words – it’s an extensive cultural system. When we learn a new language, it’s important to understand the culture we’re in, who we’re talking to, and how to adapt. It’s not enough to translate directly – we need to learn the non-verbal language, the nuances, and the subtle differences.

Another example – in the exam I took, I encountered a combination of words. I explained to the lecturer that I understood each word separately but not the combination. This showed me how language can mislead us and require understanding beyond the literal meaning.

Language also teaches us social boundaries. We need to learn what’s appropriate to say in each situation. If we’re not sure, we can simply start with a sentence like: “French is not my native language, I’m sorry if I make mistakes, I’d appreciate it if you correct me.” This way, we avoid awkward situations.

There’s also the aspect of addressing older people or those in professional positions differently. I always ask how they prefer to be addressed, and I clarify that it’s not out of disrespect, but because in Hebrew, we don’t have this distinction, and I might get confused.

How do you deal with the language barrier in the place you live? How do you feel about social integration in a foreign language? Tell me about your experience.